There's An App for THAT?!

We live in a weird and wacky world, so it just follows that there are weird and wacky cell phone applications. You may not realize how weird, however. Here are just a few of the strange apps that might interest all you normal (and not so normal) people.

So, you made a resolution to start using your gym membership. By the way, did you know that many gyms depend on the fact that most of the people who are paying for membership don't show up? Anyway, if you need some motivation to keep those New Year's resolutions, try Gym Shamer (http://gymshamer.herokuapp.com/). When you start neglecting the gym, Gym Shamer will rat you out to all your friends and acquaintances, via Facebook and Twitter. Nothing like that old stand-by, humiliation, to keep you pumping iron.

Another fitness related app, Zombies, Run! (https://www.zombiesrungame.com) will turn your daily jog route into a “post-apocalyptic wasteland filled with fast zombies out to eat your flesh." Sound fun? You basically become a character in a game; your headphones will give you instructions to collect supplies to “rebuild civilization." And, of course, it will automatically let your Facebook and Twitter friends know how you do.

Maybe you made a resolution to give up the drink in 2014; the iBeer app (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/ibeer-free-drink-beer-on-your/id475905823?mt=8) allows you to pretend that you are drinking a tall one; a picture of beer appears on your phone, tip it back and watch it disappear.

Maybe you are enjoying that fake beer at a concert; then you will also want to use the fake lighter app, My BIC Lighter (http://www.mybiclighter.com/en/mobile-application); this is especially good to have if the band you are listening to is just pretending to have talent.

Maybe you've been wondering how your dearly departed great auntie June is doing these days. Spirit Story Box (http://www.spiritstorybox.com/) is an app that lets June and others like her give you an update. It is “an essential tool for all of your ghost adventures." To get an audible or on screen response, all you have to do is ask a question and wait. Yep, that's it.

You can also talk to a melon, sort of. The MelonMeter app (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/melon-meter/id450015952?mt=8) will help you, with the aid of your phone microphone, to determine if the melon you are thinking about buying is ripe.

Now for something completely different: Bowel Mover Pro (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/bowel-mover-pro-digestion/id480842167?mt=8). This unusual app will help you track your digestive health so you can figure out healthy patterns of behavior for healthy BMs. And speaking of BMs (and who isn't?) there is the elegant Places I've Pooped app (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=vartanian.android.placesivepooped&hl=en). It features a “Bomb's Away" button that allows you to document everywhere you do the deed and it will thoughtfully share the info to Facebook. TMI?

If you are feeling stabby, Ripley introduced the iSword app (https://itunes.apple.com/app/ripley-isword/id450519887?mt=8); a sword swallowing app that allows you to “experience sword swallowing first hand for the first time!" The app turns your phone into a virtual sword; you pretend to swallow it and you try to miss all the vital organs that may get in the way. Or maybe you want to turn the blade a different direction: the Bates Bread & Breakfast app (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/bates-bed-breakfast/id317098436?mt=8&ign-mpt=uo%3D4) allows you to pretend you are channeling Norman Bates; you just lift your phone over your head and start slashing.

If the Bates Bread & Breakfast app appeals to you, I would recommend the MyPsych app (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mypsych/id529223913?mt=8) that will help you “improve, organize, and maintain an active, emotionally balanced lifestyle."

For the ultimate lazy person, there is Blower (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/blower/id335862325?mt=8). This app is perfect if you simply can't be bothered to blow out a candle or match. It somehow turns your mic into an air-blower and there you go.

Another app for the lazy: iNap@Work (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/inap-work/id310546791?mt=8). This app makes noises like rustling paper and keyboard clicking while you take a snooze. This will fool anyone who walks by your office into thinking you are working, assuming they don't catch on when they see your head on your desk and the drool pooling next to your mouth.

And, speaking of sleep – do you need help waking up in the morning? Do you hit the snooze button too many times? How would you like a nice, friendly stranger to give you a wake-up call instead? Wakie (http://wakie.com/) is an app that allows you to get a 60 second phone call at the time of your choice to help you get out of bed. You also have the option to be the waker.

Cuddlr (http://cuddlrapp.com/) is an app for, you guessed it, cuddling. Just cuddling, nothing else. You find someone on the app that needs a hug, or you request one yourself, make arrangements to meet, and hug it out. The app promises “no pressure" so it's not awkward at all.

If you aren't much for hugging, or even people in general, there is the Cloak (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/cloak-social-sense/id830708468?mt=8) app. Cloak lets you know if any of your Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or Foursquare mates are about so you can avoid them.

Another anti-social app is Fake Me Out of Here (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.incrediapp.fake.call.shake.me.out.of.here&hl=en) is a devious little app that gets you out of awkward, boring, annoying and unwelcome situations by triggering a fake incoming call. All you have to do is shake your phone. They should offer this with every on-line dating service.

If you like the Fake Me Out of Here app, you would probably enjoy Annoyance (https://itunes.apple.com/gd/app/annoyance!/id477344396?mt=8). You will have at hand a bevy of annoying sounds, such as fingernails on a blackboard, a laughing hyena, hiccup, a siren, and a man screaming. These are yours to use at your discretion – or indiscretion.

And, last, but certainly not least, after all that misbehaving, you may want to check out The Confessio app (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/confessio/id929253617?ign-mpt=uo%3D4). This virtual priest-on-the- go allows you to “enjoy fast and easy mobile confession" – just what you need to get back to sinnin' asap.